After telling of some episode about our son, who is 9 and has autism, we often get the response, "Yeah, but all kids do that." Family, especially, loves to throw that one at us. And those words irritate us like few others. I must admit, we hate hearing that! Why? Because we feel like our situation is being minimized by someone who doesn't understand.

Even though they don't have a child with autism, it's like they're telling us that raising their kid is pretty much the same as raising an ASD kid. It's like they think they can really relate. It's like they're saying that it's not all that hard and that we're just dramatizing the situation. It hurts.

Their statement is usually true. Yes, all kids do that. BUT NOT AT THIS AGE AND NOT TO THIS DEGREE AND NOT OVER SOMETHING SO PIDDLY!

Follow up:

"All kids can be a pain, and all kids can throw a tantrum when they don't get their way." Thanks for those incredibly insightful words, Mrs. Child Psychologist. No kidding. Got any more ground-breaking wisdom you can impart on us? Tell me, when's the last time you saw a 9-year-old have a meltdown, unable to move onto the next thing, when you wouldn't take him to the Teen Center so he could walk around the block and stare at a flag pole? Or when the person you told him would be coming over, didn't arrive immediately on the spot? Uh huh.

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The Conversation Continues...

I'm not sure, but I think when people say, "All kids do that" what they're really trying to say is that you don't have it all that tough. Your autistic kid really isn't all that different. This is supposed to bring us to some point of solace or comfort. Oh, my kid isn't all that different? Raising a kid with autism isn't all that tough? So most kids his age eat the same thing for dinner every night, have no control over their impulses, and can't handle changes in their routine? Really? Kids his age usually have public meltdowns? Who knew! Did you change your kids poopey diapers up through age 6? I didn't think so. Can your kid talk? That must be nice, because mine can't. But other than that they're the same, right?

Oh boy, I'm in rare form now. I gotta keep telling myself that venting is healthy.

Maybe I'm wrong about other parents though. "All kids do that." Maybe they're trying to say, "Is this the worst you got? You can't tell me anything worse about raising a kid with autism? This is your toughest difficulty?" Again, we're supposed to take comfort in that because it's all in our heads. No, this is not the worst example I got, Mrs. Know-It-All. You have no clue about the difficulties of raising a kid with ASD. You see a snap shot, a little picture. Then you get to go home. You see him on his best behavior and you think you got his number. Take a kid with autism for a week and then tell me how much it changes every single thing you do, day and night.

OK, I'm going off the deep end. "All kids do that." I think what they're saying when they say that... I think what they might mean... is that they don't know what to say. They don't have words, but they have to say something. Something that they think might help you. They're trying to find the commonalities between our autistic kid and their typical kids and they're trying to focus on those commonalities.

I don't know. Maybe they don't know what they're saying. Maybe it's a statement out of complete ignorance.

Parenting a kid (or, gulp, kids!) with autism can be difficult at times. And that's an understatement. My wife and I can be emotional and sometimes guarded. It's a safety net of sorts.

But when I get hurt by what others say, I don't take it out on them, especially when they're family members who think they're helping. I feel the pain within, but I take it and keep my mouth shut. They think they're helping. They don't know.

I'm a man of the Lord. My wife is a woman of the Lord. My house serves Christ. With that in mind, here's what the God of all creation says about this:

Proverbs 21:23
"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."

James 1:26
"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless."

Psalm 141:3
"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!"

The words of others can hurt. But I don't want my own words to hurt anyone.

With that in mind, if you feel the need to rant or vent by leaving feedback or comments below, this is the place to do it! I, for one, am glad I can blog about my feelings and leave it all on these pages.