Recently I received an email from a mom needing help for her 9-year old son who has Aspergers Syndrome and ADD. She was concerned that her son is feeling badly about himself as he is just now realizing his differences and disabilities. He thinks God made a mistake in creating him. This broke my heart as I know how painful this is for both he and his mom. My daughter and I experienced the same situation at her age. In this blog, I have compiled a few truths and ideas that I hope will help families in similar situations.

1) Know that your child’s grief is normal, even it is hard to experience. Our child with autism needs to grieve just as we grieved for him/her when first diagnosed. We hate to see our kids in pain, but it is a normal part of the adjustment to having a disability. There is no quick fix, but over time he may be able to think more positively. As parents, we will adjust to the fact that emotiional ups and downs are an inevitable part of disability.

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3) Buy the workbook, “What it Means to Me?” by Catherine Faherty and work through it with your child. It introduces the basics of autism and Aspergers in a step-by-step, child-friendly and positive format. It will not solve all of your child’s problems, but it will help him to think and express his thoughts about his disability and to frame them in a more realistic and positive light. Future Horizons is an internet book store that has a huge amount of autism/Aspergers books, so I recommend going to that site to find this and other books.

4) Read some books with stories about people with autism and other neurobiological disabilities who have made significant contributions to society. This will communicate to your child that different thinkers have wonderful and unique gifts. Again, see Future Horizons for these book titles.

5) Acknowledge your child’s pain as real. Listen to his cries and thoughts without interuption. Then remind your child (and yourself) that while life is hard now, MANY authors with autism spectrum disorders report that things get easier as they get older (young adulthood). This is true with my daughter also, and we had some REALLY HARD years.

6) Consider at least part-time home schooling if your child is having a lot of social problems that bring grief and lower self-esteem. There are school programs where you can take a few classes at home and a few at school, and experience the best of both worlds. Our daughter says that part-time home schooling changed her life for the better.

7) Put a priority on discovering your child’s interests and abilities and enroll him in these activities. It may increase his self-esteem and he will find other kids with similar interests. Both are really important for kids with ASD to grow and develop friendships. Keep trying even if several activities do not work out.

8) If available in your area, enroll your child in a social emotional training program for kids with autism spectrum disorders (or start one). If there is no such program in your area, set up play dates for your child with other children with disabilities so they have a place and/or group where they can be themselves. The trend is to mainstream our kids largely into neurotypical environments, which is great, but we all need a place to relax and be ourselves without pressure to perform.

9) Consider counseling for your child and for you. It is dangerous to ignore a child’s feelings of depression or worthlessness. Keep trying counselors until you find the right one.

10) Take care of yourself. Find an educational and/or support group for yourself, read books, and take time for fun and spiritual enrichment. Your emotional health affects your child more than you know.