It is almost Halloween and scary is in the air. I have seen scary decorations, costumes, even scary bowls for Halloween candy. But scary parents came into my mind today. Not the kind dressed up like witches or goblins, but the normal looking and acting kind of people who blow all of a sudden. Now, that is scary— especially to a child with autism. Who would do a thing like that? Oh yeah… me….

I remember having some scary “mom”ster moments when Katie, my firstborn, was small.

Follow up:

I had a moment when she had been crying for a long time and I was alone with no help. I had another moment during her potty training which was slower than I wanted. I don’t recall the details of those events but I remember frustration, anger, and yelling. It’s always really effective to yell at an infant or preschooler (not!). Especially with kids with autism, yelling just increases anxiety and usually causes behavior to further deteriorate.

Years later I was frustrated with parenting so I picked up the nearest unbreakable object and slammed it down several times on the dresser in my bedroom. I thought this was a better alternative to yelling. And it was. Except that the object was a DVD case and the dresser was solid maple. It was a hand-me-down dresser ( I hesitate to call it an heirloom) from my husband’s grandfather. I forgot that the solid maple dresser had recently replaced our veneer and plywood dresser from Goodwill.

Today, the scars on the dresser reminded me of the scary side of myself. I could tell you worse stories, but you hardly know me so let’s take it slowly. The point is that the behaviors of children with autism can sometimes take parents past the brink of self-control. I remember feeling horror at myself the first time I realized that I could really hurt my child if I didn’t pull it together.

This isn’t a fun topic. But research shows that kids with disabilities get hurt by family members more often than typical kids. Special-needs parenting calls for a lot of maturity and self-control that we have not necessarily developed before becoming parents. We have to learn it in a crash course! It is really hard! If you are struggling with this, the main thing to do is to admit it to yourself and to someone you trust. It doesn’t make you a monster. It means you are human. But you have to get help one way or another! During my difficult times, I prayed a lot. I also read a written promise daily committing myself to remain calm, no matter what. Counseling would have been my next step if things had not improved. So, if you see “mom”ster coming out, plan her demise now before scarier ghouls come to your door….