a few days ago i posted a link to the autism epicenter’s facebook page about the positive traits of children with autism. it resulted in some feedback concerning the love from an autistic child. there is no doubt in my mind that when sir dantes decides to show some love that he really means it.

a couple of weeks ago i had surgery and felt ignored and neglected by my little boy. i wondered if he missed me or even noticed that i was gone for a few days. maybe it was my own little pity party? but, i have to keep in mind that the love and affection from an autistic child is much different from that of a typical child.

the differences started with my two children within days of being born. ms. maxie was always looking at us and smiling. she loved being held and she loved being the center of attention in our little world. if left alone to long, she made sure we knew that she didn’t like it one bit! sir dantes was different from the beginning.

Follow up:

the only time we seemed to get eye contact was during the time i was nursing him; and that was the only time he would stay still long enough for us to hold him. he didn’t make eye contact with us and seemed to be oblivious to our presence. as i have mentioned several times, he hated to held and cuddled (now we know that was do to his sensory issues). he fought and kicked. he also seemed okay to be left alone. he seemed to prefer it most of the time.

we had to learn how to help him show emotions and interact with us. our therapist were great at this. slowly he has become more and more social and more expressive. he is still not near as expressive as our little ms. maxie. she is never shy about letting you know how she feels about you or a situation.

of course, she does not have autism and did not have to be taught to be social. when i was in the hospital her concern was real and she let me know she was scared. since being home she regularly ask me how i am and how long i will be sick. but, part of this is because of a selfish motivation; she has a birthday party next week and she is scared she will miss it. she already had to miss one invitation while i was in the hospital. it’s kind of the same way with love.

our sir dantes doesn’t have any alternative reasons for expressing an emotion. in other words, if he is upset or showing love it is what he feels at that moment and is not looking to get anything for it. sometimes ms. maxie will come up to me and say, “i love you mommy”; and then i say, “i love you too”. then she will say, “mommy, i really would like a new princess wand. will you get me one?” oh, i see. if you tell me you love me you think i will go get you a princess wand. it is not that way with sir dantes.

the last few days he has come into the bedroom, climbed up beside me and given me a big, big hug and a smile. then he crawls down and leaves. that’s good enough. i know he loves me, he let me know, and he doesn’t expect anything for it. there is never a hidden agenda with him. sometimes, ms. maxie does have a hidden agenda. and that is okay. she is a typical child and is suppose to act that way. i know she still loves me and so does sir dantes. they just show it differently because, after all, they are two different people. which is a wonderful thing.